he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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