Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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