I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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