"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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