i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i dont even know how to be here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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