I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
