She is in my trunk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love having hate sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
