Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
