bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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