my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
