Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
