do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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