The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
