She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
