Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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