What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
