It's like God shit irony all over that family
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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