Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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