If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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