just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
