I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
