Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
