my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
