my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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