my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
