Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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