Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize