there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
