Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
