help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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