Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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