She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
