Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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