:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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