he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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