You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
