Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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