just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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