she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
