like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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