I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
