I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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