Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's always time for handjobs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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