WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
