Your face is a jimmy john
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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