If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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