Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
