something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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