I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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