Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
