First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
