Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
