Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
