porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God I need to hump something, right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
