Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
