Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
