He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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