Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
