Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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