yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
