My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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