No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
