Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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