I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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