You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
