don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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