I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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