I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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