first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the jesus of drinking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
