Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
