Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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