So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
