A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
