you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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