If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
