First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
