the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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