Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
