If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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