Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's just like the Real World with babies
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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