If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
