That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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